Updated: Apr 2
Over the past few months I have been plagued with constant thoughts about what friendship means to me. For the most part I have managed to keep to the same friends for decades some for two decades and counting. But shit happens, right? Some where lines get crossed, people grow apart or that someone just can't go where the other person is going.
In all fairness, I think that life just happens the way that it's supposed to. I've learned that everyone comes into your life for a reason and some times it just for a season. Cliche, yes but still 100% true.
My best friend and I have been friends since we were in the 3rd grade, that is over 20 years and counting. He is my for lifer because every season of my life I have seemed to need him and he has been there. Knowing me and guiding me through the good and the bad shit; and vice versa. Although we are in different states and we don't talk every day and some times we have to tend to our other friendships, the love and loyalty never changes.
So friendship to me is knowing your friends, trusting that they will be who you know them to be. I know my friends well enough to know if this one will eat my food when I'm not looking. I know the other one well enough to know if she will wake up to take me to the airport. I know the other one well enough to know whether she will blurt something out at the wrong time. And in each of these cases, I don't judge them or fault them for who they are. I encourage my friends to be true to themselves and I accept them in the same way.
I have been seeing posts on Facebook of people saying, "This situation (lets say death) has showed me who people are. The people you expect to check on you,don't." And to a certain extent I get that, however, when shit happens to us we automatically assume that everyone should come to our aide. But you never know what other people are going through, how do you know that they aren't dealing with a death themselves? What if they are one of those people who just don't know what to say when it comes to death so they rather just pray for you where they are? We shouldn't always assume the worse when it comes to our friends, we shouldn't always assume they don't care when they haven't given a reason to in all the years of the friendship.
Recently, my oldest friend's brother was murdered and I literally didn't know what to do or say. But it's in our culture to be there for one another, so that's what I did. I instantly rearranged my schedule, went to her house, rode with her to the store to purchase some items before her flight the next day, then woke up at 5 am the next morning to drop her and her family to the airport. That was it, that's all I could do but it meant something to her. During that same time one of my other friends were experiencing a loss in a different city, hours away. I couldn't physically be there but I made myself available throughout the day and night to text her. Did I have other friends going through other things? Yes but I am only one person so I made myself available to who I could and who I felt needed it the most.
Being in a friendship is like being in a relationship, it takes a lot of work, trust, love and loyalty. It is not every time that you will get it right and it is not a guarantee that it will last. You will not always like what the person said or did or how they act. And know that you will never be that person's only concern but it doesn't change the importance of the friendship. Nurture the friendship when you can, give it time to breathe if you must but trust that it will be what it is intended to be.
As always, Affirm the life you want, Create the space for it to be, and you'll Manifest it!